so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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