Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
