it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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