I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
