I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
