I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
