i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
