ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will be naked everywhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
