If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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