I feel like abortions should bother me more
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
