It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
