seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
