new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
