Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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