I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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