You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
