You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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