Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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