she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
