why didn't you poke me back
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
