I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
