i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
