She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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