saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
