the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
