So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
