that's an acceptable place to lick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
