I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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