mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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