Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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