normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
