New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
