ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
