it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
