Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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