ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
