Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
