doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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