my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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