If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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