we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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