Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
is that a dick in a sweater?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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