I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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