i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had sex on a roof
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
