you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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