TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
