And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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