whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
