so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
