Buhtt sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found puke in my bra..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
