i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
