i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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