Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
