If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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