I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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