Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
