dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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